May 192010

Get it? Because Battleship is interactive? My geekiness knows no bounds, y'all

Shit’s about to get REAL, y’all.


Roughly five million years (re: two weeks) ago, I posted about the importance of setting overall fitness goals (and there was some nice discussion about personal goals in the comment section). Before that I posted about maintaining focus (even when life goes to crap) and setting physical goals to use as benchmarks.

Today we’re doing something a little bit different. You and me, kid, we’re kicking off Project (Derby) Mayhem.

Let's face it, there will probably still be a lot of talking

Anyone who’s known me for more than two minutes knows that I really love to talk. A lot. But goals are about action, and as your go-to Goal Girl, I have been itching to stop talking and start doing. And to drag you along with me. And that’s where Project (Derby) Mayhem comes in. From now on, there will be assignments. I’m going to be doing every Project (Derby) Mayhem assignment along with you, so I won’t be asking you to do anything that I’m not doing myself. The general idea is that (in addition to inching closer to world domination) we will be able to push each other to set and follow weekly goals, see results, and do that general derby-girls-are awesome support thing. Sounds good, no? Those who partake (re: me and you and other totally awesome people) will lead the way in the Derby Death Army. Those who don’t will be crushed beneath our wheels. They will be forced to breathe in the fumes from our skate bags as we hip check our way to glory. So let’s get started:

The first rule of Project (Derby) Mayhem...

Assignment 1

Since this is our first assignment, we’re going to start small-ish (assignments will get more detailed/difficult/what-have-you as we progress). We’re going outdoor skating! Three times. For an hour each (note: that’s an hour skating, changing your wheels/putting on your pads does not count as skate time). You’ve got between today (May 19th) and next Wednesday to pencil this in. I want you to spend about ten minutes warming up, then split your time between lateral cutting, sticky skating, speed drills, getting low, and running on your skates. Drink plenty of water, and if you start to get too worn out slow up a bit until you recover (but maintain good derby form).*

*If you already do this–or more than this–on a regular basis, please keep to your routine but spice it up a little. Increase the difficulty, the amount of time spent skating, or throw in a few things that you know you need to work on. Also, if you have no other choice you can complete this assignment indoors, but try to skate outside if you can.

Time IS on your side. Really.

The important part of this assignment (and one of the harder parts) is making the extra time to go skate. For my part, I’m either going to be waking up an hour earlier, going to bed an hour later, or skipping a little TV time. Don’t let your schedule keep you from participating! You only have to skate for 3 out of 168 hours, which is totally doable. I promise.

I’m going to use the comment section to check in throughout the week, and I encourage you to do the same. In fact, why not go ahead and declare your allegiance to Project (Derby) Mayhem right now? Like I’ve said before, there’s nothing like internet accountability, and that comment section sure does look lonely without your post…

Tyler Durden will blow up your living space if you don't participate in Project (Derby) Mayhem. And he'll probably pee in the soup.

Heidi Volatile is a loudmouth and is probably going to regret this whole Project (Derby) Mayhem thing when she has to get up at 5:00am tomorrow. She knows that you’re reading this and is looking pointedly at the comment section and clearing her throat. Tyler Durden is a Very Bad Man with a few… issues, but he’s a) really hot, b) a total badass, and c) would definitely play roller derby if he were a girl. You can reach both of them at if you want to suggest future Project (Derby) Mayhem assignments or tell them that their hair is awesome (it totally is).

Photo Credits: Milton Bradley, 20th Century Fox, Mission Fit Possible


Going Mental

 Posted by at 12:00 pm  1 Response »
Apr 212010

Professor X says: It's all in your mind

In my last post, I talked a little bit about the importance of setting concrete physical goals and using them as benchmarks to evaluate your performance. We’ll be going back to that next week, but right now we’re going to discuss another important goal all derby girls should have: Keeping your focus. Specifically, keeping your focus when life outside of the track turns to shit. It’s easy to stay focused when life is running smoothly, but when things start to get bumpy it can be a completely different story. And sooner or later, real life (or rather, the sucky parts of real life) will start challenging your focus.

This was definitely NOT ME on Saturday. You got it? NOT ME. PS I hope you get eaten by a shark, dude.

Maybe you’re having trouble at work, and you’re spending more time at practice mentally going over your latest encounter with the boss than working on your can opener. Maybe you just found out that a loved one is very ill and you’re having a hard enough time just making it to practice, let alone actually focusing on the drills you are participating in. Maybe the guy that you had the gut wrenching breakup with a mere two or three weeks ago comes to your bout, stands directly next to your bench, and puts the full court press on some random girl with big knockers and indie rock glasses while you tear up on said bench like a 5 year old girl who just discovered that My Little Ponies aren’t real (not that I’m speaking from blisteringly painful and extremely recent experience or anything).

These are all examples of things that can split your attention, demotivate you, and keep you from performing at your highest level. So how do we deal with external mental and emotional duress? How do we push past all of the outside crap and focus on kicking ass and taking names, derby style?

Destroy, my bitches! DESTROY!!!

Purposefully try to check your issues at the door: Acknowledge when you’re being distracted by personal issues and make a conscious decision to set them aside. This isn’t always easy, but it’s always helpful.

Take it one drill at a time: So, now that you’ve decided that you’re not going to let Crappy Circumstance X distract you, try to give your complete focus to every derby task as it comes up. Not thinking about Crappy Circumstance X for two hours might seem like an impossible task, but not thinking about it for a ten minute drill is doable, right? And when you keep focusing on tasks that take up smaller amounts of time, they magically add up to great big chunks of time. It’s kind of awesome.

When in doubt, hit a bitch:We are lucky enough to have a built in outlet for all of our frustrations and inner turmoil. Channel all of that aggression into the physical aspects of our sport. Don’t think, just do. Exhaust yourself if you have to.

Keeping your head in the game: priceless

These are things that help me when life starts getting in the way. What helps you? How often do you find yourself struggling to maintain your focus? Discuss this in the commments or hit me up at

Photo credits: newsarama. com, Jill Greenberg, Toho Co. Ltd, Ben Loveridge