OK – 
I’ve been loosely researching this for about month. You know what I’m talking about . . . those darn fake mustaches. I’ve worn one. You’ve worn one. But how did this underground phenomenon bust into OUR underground phenomenon? Where and when the heck did this craze start?
I’ve asked around and have come up pretty empty handed as far as concrete facts, so I’ve decided to report on my own personal experience with the stache.
About two years ago my league had a transfer from Sac City – Hell Louis. Weezy, as we quickly dubbed her, had this great Myspace / Facebook profile picture of her with a fake mustache on post game. After some crafty clicking I saw pics of her whole team wearing the mustaches in acknowledgment of a ref or a coach with a big mustache or something. What a brilliant look, I thought.
Soon after I was at an after party for a SCDG game and in walked our team captain Lulu Lockjaw sporting a stache. Hmmmm 
I thought to myself that looks cool, but Lulu is one of those girls that makes every thing look cool.
Over the last year or so I’ve seen the stache become a staple of derby culture and have even more recently seen it make the crossover into real life. You can buy just about anything with a stache on it. From mugs and socks to necklaces’ the stache has overtaken the mullet in greatest retro comeback of something that was horrible the first time around.
So it’s cool, we all get that. Maybe it’s the 1970s porn-esce vibe it gives off – But why derby? I can think of a few gender-specific reasons why the fake mustache has become a staple of derby culture – please keep in mind I totally made these up:
- We play derby, which is already sorta bending and blending the gender lines. We are sexy bitches knocking the snot out of each other. We are muther-trucking tough girls in mascara. So maybe the stache is a statement of our obvious toughness. Like, yeah we’re chicks, but we’re so tough and here is my stache to prove it.
- Ummm . . . this one is awkward to say, but maybe it’s a celebration of our . . . um . . .neither-region stache. *Insert giggle here* not an impossible comparison.
A few weeks ago I saw a Central Coast Roller Derby jammer sport a pink mustache during a game against Silicon Valley – Hello! Staches on the track!! Yes a pink fake mustache – these are called Mustaches for Girls and come in a variety of mustache styles from the Grandma to the Frida.
During my research I happened to be watching Blood on the Flat Track and I saw a brief clip of girls sporting staches – so at least we have some empirical evidence it has been a growing trend for at least five years.
Related to the fake mustache is the finger stache tattoo – this too could be considered part of the phenomenon. Although tattoo enthusiasts have been getting them along with the tear drop on the inside of their fingers for years. I have noticed MORE derby girls getting them with the growing popularity of the fake stache – but as we all know there are quite a few of us derby girls who are tattoo enthusiasts, so it’s not really a stretch that some of us would make it a permanent punch line. I’ve taken to carrying a sharpie in my purse and drawing on a fake one when the mood suits me.
So that is my official – unofficial report on the fake mustache. I have no idea when or why it started, but it did . . . and I enjoy it.
How’s that for hard-hitting journalism? 
If you have a great picture of you getting your derby-stache on please email me at: derby.hurts@gmail.com
If you have any information behind this great mustache mystery please email me STAT!
Photos: Raven Von Kaos (me), Chrome Molly, Leigh Stovall (derby girl in training), Susan Elizabeth Marshall, Creme Bruisee
