May 042010

Swallow that pride!

With all of the posts that have been cropping up on LDG about wreckage in our personal lives, I can only assume that everyone’s been having a shit time of it lately.  This has preeetty much become the norm for me.  But I can’t complain because it’s shit that I created myself!  My life has been like an inactive volcano that’s been rumbling beneath the surface for the past 13 years and finally built up enough pressure to spill over—and looking around, there’s plenty of destruction.

That said, I can do one of two things, continue to wallow in it and take everyone around me along for the ride.  Or, I can learn from it, grow from it, clear away the wreckage and start over with a clean slate.

I know in MY mind, my problems are the hugest, worstest, most miserable problems in the entire world.   (Most of us do have that mentality.)  I used to get completely consumed with worrying about my problems, I was miserable, stressed out, and angry.  I lashed out at everyone around me like they were somehow responsible for any of the shit that I’d stirred up in my own life.   And in turn they’d strike back, thus creating and even bigger pile of shit that I could bitch about.  I was the best bitcher in the entire world.  Had perfected the art of bitching.  Could have gotten paid for it.  And could have built my EMPIRE with my dividends.

My AA sponser, who is kickass by the way, doesn’t let me get away with that shit anymore.  She is more than happy to shine a light on the the problem, which is generally me, and she usually has profound advice for me:  “Stop bitching about it, stop taking your shit out on other people, take some action and clean up the mess you’ve made.  It is, after all, your mess!”   (And she occasionally tells me that I’m acting like a dumbass, which I don’t mind either, because I usually am!)

Probably one of the most valuable lessons that I’ve learned from her, and from being in recovery, though, is that you reap what you sow.  I mean, we’ve all heard it before, but it never really REGISTERED with me until I removed my head from my sphincter and actually became AWARE of how I was treating people!  You’d think that since I’m a waitress and that my livlihood depends on the generosity of strangers, I’d been acutely aware of how my attitude towards others affects their attitudes toward me.  But I’d rather call that lady at table A2 a bitch for only leaving me a

Dolla Dolla Bill

dollar on $62, than being NICE and earning a proper tip!  So what if she snapped at me first?  Is snapping back REALLY going to be benefit me in the long run?  Maybe she really is just a gigantic bitch, but maybe her dog got run over this morning—I’m not the only person in this world that has bad days!  If I’m NICE to her, I MIGHT get nice back.  If I’m an ASSHOLE to her, I’m guaranteed that she’s going to be an ASSHOLE right back.  AND only leave me a dollar.

Soooo, ladies, what I’m getting at—maybe you are having a really bad day, and maybe one of your teammates IS being a bitch and yells at you “for no reason”.  You don’t have to yell back.  Stop for just one second, maybe she and her boyfriend just broke up, maybe she just got laid off, maybe her bunny that she’s had for six years died, maybe she’s got some really wicked rink rash on her heinie!  Turn the other cheek.  (Ha, ha—cheek!)  I promise, it won’t kill you!  You may choke on your pride when you try to swallow it down, but it ain’t gonna kill you!


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