Jun 022010

Okay, so the place I rode looked nothing like this, but how bad ass would I be if it DID!

I was sick as shit last week and missed BOTH practices—suck!  Then I got to hear all about how aweeeesome practice was on Thursday.  And how my teammate got to do all these super fantastic endurance drills without me—double suck, I looooove endurance training as much as TrAC/DC loves push-ups!  After an entire week of inactivity, I feel like a slug.  So, I decided to be extra ambitious this weekend, get all of my make-ups done, AND do lots of cross training.  The weekend went something like this:  fun skate Friday, dryland Sunday morning, and trail riding Sunday afternoon.  Good times, right?

Since I am a derby girl, everyone in my sphere of influence seems to think I’m totally hardcore.  So they think nothing of asking me to do shit that I find kind of nuts.  Like TRAIL RIDING on a MOUNTAIN BIKE, when I have only been on a bicycle precisely three times (and that includes said trail ride) in the past 20 years!  Now, don’t tell anyone, but I am, in fact, NOT hardcore.  And I’m sure that most of you TRUE hardcore derby girls, thrill seekers, and risk takers, would think that what I did Sunday was merely child’s play.  But it’s my story, so, it was totally hardcore!

I don’t really know exactly what I was expecting this trail riding experience to be like.  I know that my best friend is positively terror stricken every time her husband suggests that he might want to take a ride out to the Hooper Road Bike Trail, so, that should have been something of an indicator.  But, I hear “trail riding” and I think RIDE on a TRAIL.  Not, ride over fallen trees, through ditches, precariously close to a small ravine (okay, fine, it was a ditch) and so on and so forth.  But I was not to be deterred!

Moments into our ride, I began to think that maybe I’d made a mistake.  This thought occurred to me as my life flashed before my eyes when I ran into a tree at the first fork in the road.  I spent the next few minutes kicking the shit out of the back rim of my borrowed bicycle, the rim that I bent running into the tree.  I really just wanted to pack it up an call it a day at that point.  Buuuut, the thought of anyone calling me the P-Word was just too much for me to handle.  So, I huffed and puffed up and down, up and down, up and down the hills—most of the time pushing or dragging my bike rather than riding it.  Once, I fell into a bush, then slid backwards down the hill, dragging the bike down on top of me.  But finally, by the end of this harrowing adventure, I had mustered up enough courage to just say eff it, and I charged ahead, peddling as fast as my legs would allow—over roots, and tree branches, through valleys and ditches.  About an hour
later, I made it out alive, drenched in sweat, covered in bruises and scratches, mud and bicycle grease, but reasonably proud of myself.

Today, I cannot walk.  Not with a normal gait anyway.  My quads hurt SO bad, I can hardly raise my own ass up off of the couch, not to mention the fact that the bicycle seat did a serious number on my bum.  I counted 11 bruises and there’s a small collection of scratches on my right forearm.  I have no fewer than two dozen swarming insect bites and a small patch of black grease on the back of my leg that two showers later I still can’t scrub off entirely.  Good times, right? Common sense suggests that I may want to stick to 8 wheels, but against my better judgement,  we’re riding again next Sunday, if anybody wants in!  Pad your asses ladies, it’s a bumpy ride!

Photo Credits:  www.deater.net


  2 Responses to “The Misadventures of Whatta Tuesday”

  1. dang girl, my bike is NOT a mountain bike, and i’m pretty sure it’s NOT for offroading, but that sounds like something i’d really like to try! guess i need to upgrade my bike like SOON! i’m gonna see if i know anyone that has one i can borrow! what time are you guys going?

  2. As of this time, with the nasty weather we’ve had the past few days, I’m thinking that it would be more mud riding than trail riding, so we’re probably not going to go Sunday. But we are discussing an outdoor skate in my neighborhood around noon on Sunday if you’d like to join us for that!

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