May 052010

Oh Olivia Newton-John, you make it look so glamorous!

This morning (after just under 5 hours of sleep) I woke up at 5:30, slammed some caffeine, bolted some breakfast, and headed out to an elementary school playground. Why, you ask? No, I wasn’t there to hit up the swingset before all of the grade schoolers started hogging it. I was rolling my cranky, not-at-all-a-morning-person carcass out to meet up with the other lunatics participating in Denver Benton’s butt kicking early morning fitness boot camp. I then proceeded to spend the next hour performing exercises that were probably developed during the Spanish Inquisition (did they have medicine balls back then?). Don’t get me wrong, it was an awesome workout, but DAMN. Minute and a half long wall sits are not anybody’s idea of a good time, and too many dips make the baby Jesus cry.

Arriba, y'all!

Y’all, I can not even lift my arms right now. I have been forced to prop them up on a makeshift pillow armrest just so I can type. And I’m not even going to go into the current lower body situation. Suffice to say, I won’t be doing any Mexican hat dances today, Cinco de Mayo or no.

So, why on earth am I regularly subjecting myself to an early morning ass kicking? It’s not so I can look better in a bikini. And it’s not because I think it’s really funny when I can use a heavier medicine ball than the guys in the class. (Though these are both admittedly huge perks.) It’s because I intend to be measurably stronger, faster, and harder for the last half of RSRD’s second season. Even if it means spending a lot of time feeling and looking like this:

Overall fitness goals are just as important to your derby life as smaller scale goals (such as perfecting your can opener, improving your stance, knocking a bitch down, etc, etc). You can have the fastest start off of the line, but if you don’t have the endurance to maintain that speed jam after jam, you can’t effectively access the badass within. If you’re not working on your general strength, you’re not going to generate as much power in your strides or hits as you could. If you’re not increasing your core strength, you’re missing an opportunity to increase your ability to take and recover from a hit.

So how do we set and follow through on overall fitness goals? I personally find that I have the best success rate when I make myself accountable. I tell people what I want to do, and how I plan to do it. Then I’m basically forced to follow through, even when faced with the siren song of the snooze button. For example:

I plan to improve my strength, speed, and endurance. I’m going to accomplish this by participating in strength training classes, running three to four times a week, and going on more outdoor skates.

See? I just told the entire internet. And if you’re reading this, I challenge you to do the same. C’mon! Go to the comment section and tell us something that you want to work on, and how you plan to work on it. Lets be each other’s goal buddies. What could be better than sharing your goals with a bunch of like-minded women working on the same things? You have nothing to lose, and personal cheerleaders to gain. Let’s take advantage of the fact that we have each other.

The power of Olivia Newton-John compels you! THE POWER OF OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN COMPELS YOU!

Heidi Volatile is a blammer and a semi-masochistic glutten for punishment. She can be reached at It is her fondest wish that you comment on this post. Her second fondest wish is to ride Falcor, the giant puppy-dragon from The Never Ending Story. Olivia Newton-John is a singer/actress from Australia. She has an accent and rides kangaroos, but does not appear to play roller derby–YET.
Photo credits: MCA, Avenida Caesar Chavez, Lion’s Gate studio


  6 Responses to “Let’s Get Physical”

  1. This is a fantastic post!

    Just this week Sharon (Villianelle) and I started a tweaked version of the “couch to 5k” in order to work on our endurance and overall fitness. Before I started derby, I hadn’t worked out in years – ugh, admitting that feels so lame – and I’d like to get back to my previous fitness level (45 minute runs were my daily drug of choice).

    So, to start we are doing 30 minutes of 1 minute run/3 minute walk/30 lunges. I will make it a bit more difficult each day by either adding running time or taking away walking time. This is an excellent beginners course for people completely new to running or for out of shape runners.

  2. That’s great! That sounds like a good program, and it always helps to have a workout buddy (that’s why I take so many classes–if someone else is going to be there, too, I’m way more likely to stick with it).

  3. I just got a roomie for a bit, and we get up every second morning to go to the gym and work our upper bodies out.
    I also allow myself to take a break from skating, since I will get too sore if I skate 4 days in a row. I started to listen to my body more, but not too much!

  4. I want to get better at my footwork on skates, and I’ve been strengthening my right ankle to get more stability so that I can do that. I lost a lot of upper body muscle after some injuries, and derby brought some of it back, toned. I want to get the rest of it back without aggravating the injuries. Free-weight-lifting, here I come.

  5. Love this post sis! My current goals, now that I have fallen so behind where I had built up to bc of that GODAWFULROBOBOOT, are to start a lot of crosstraining off my skates and to also start outdoor skating as well. I would like to get into running, but bc of my foot at the moment I’m going to start off speedwalking with my puppy two days a week, easy walking w my mama two days a week, and riding my NEW BIKE! on the weekends. When I get a little more in shape I wanna work up to running and practicing with the Aussie football team too. Went and saw their game and it was so fun! And the guys were so nice and invited us to come practice with them whenever we want.

  6. I love you, Ms. Volatile.

 Leave a Reply



You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Before you post, please prove you are sentient.

What is 2 multiplied by 5?